Every time I listen to Narendra Modi, I feel like: Satyanaas! BeDa-gharq! Jaltu-Jalaaltu, aayi balaa ko Taal tu!

Much of the elections drama back home this time around. You won’t beleive I was so curious to hear about the latest news today that while taking a five-minute break during my three-hour long teaching today, I went in to check the news. Of course, no sky was going to fall within a few hours of voting. I even gave a five-minute crash course to my American students about Indian politics, government and history. Ah, and I DID tell them that I was quite embarrassed that a country of 1.2 billion people was finding it very hard, near impossible to get a better candidate to rule than Mr. Narendra Modi. They were kind of puzzled as was I.

Well, rewinding the scene from the last few months, with the New Delhi elections and the formation and subsequent dramatic resignation of the Kejriwal government, people on the streets, brickbats and stones, gaali-galuch, naare-baazi — “anti-nationals”, “leftists”, “rightists”, “extremists”, “terrorists”, “fascists”, “communalists”, “brutalists”…Morons! Get to the REAL issues, will ya? This country — our children, our youth, our men and women have some very very urgent needs. Will somebody talk about them?

Let’s not get into the politics. Ah well, some people were more concerned to know what Robert Vadra, his wife and his in-laws wore as they exercised their votes earlier today. Duh! As a matter of fact and very sincerely we have just been told today that many of our eligible bachelors are demanding “brides for votes”. That is quite understandable. Apparently Haryana has only 879 females per 1,000 males, and other states aren’t very different. But where will the brides come from? We just discovered that in the last some years, millions of girls were killed right in their mothers’ wombs. No wonder boys get disgruntled and Mulayam Singh advocates apology to the rapists this morning. For sure, these are just “mistakes”, as he maintains.

Meanwhile the self-proclaimed celebate PM-to-be NOW declares he HAS a wife. Cool entry, Jasodhaben, welcome to the scene! As the media frantically get to hunting her down from every nook and crony, Jasodhaben sets on to a mysterious “pilgrimage” (or is more likely sent to one by God knows who!). Apparently her “prayers” have come to fruition; and her long separated husband has finally accepted her back in his life — literally or otherwise, that is yet to be seen. That IS a sensational enough story to take the headlines for a while. As Jasodhaben’s struggle has begun, so begins a new course for many more struggles down the road for millions of Indians.

Well, hard luck! The Gandhis screwed this country from one end and the BJP from the other. In this mayhem, the aam aadmi is lost somewhere in the middle. Bharat Mata Ki Jai!

Sadaf Munshi. April 10, 2014.